We are delighted that two members of the GAAH Press Club won LaughFest’s essay competition. Avelycia O., age 12 and Shirley H., age 8, read their winning entries on March 11 before an appreciative audience at the Grand Rapids Art Museum.
New Girl, by Shirley H.
There was a girl named Manure. She came from YOU'RE UGLY to Michigan. It was the first day of school when I, Gisele Diaz, went to meet her. She had a hideous bow on her head, one eye, no teeth, smelled bad, actually hairless (bald), and has big, humongous terrifying fingers.
After gym she wanted to take a shower so all she did was put fly shampoo all over herself! Joey, a kid she likes (cool and popular) said “Yuck! I don’t want to stick around you.”
On her birthday she went home to You’re Ugly and there was a flood in the city. Then she smelled like fish so a man said “You smell good!” and ever since she got married with the man. The End.
The Boy Who Wants a Pet, by Avelycia O.
There was a boy who wanted a new pet. The boy was so scared to call his dad at work but he had to get permission to get his wish! He called his dad and his dad was furious.
“Who in Jelly fry Beans is this?”
“Yo Momma!” He hung up.
“Shoot. Who in the world hangs up on his own son? Oh wait, he didn’t know who I was.”
He called him again. “Hello?” “Hello, is Mr....Um,”
“Yes, he is here. Let me go get him for you.”
“Who in the WORLD is Mr. Um?” The boy thought.
“He, ah, ah, Achoo!”
“Who is this?”
“Um, um, let’s see, um. Oh I know! Oh wait, I forgot, um.”
“Now I see why his name is Mr. Um. I’m just going to hang up.” The boy said, frustrated.
“Hmmmm....Do I really want a pet? OF COURSE! It can cheat on my homework for me, buy me, well, cookies with...doggie bites!”
He hurried up to dial his dad’s phone number and when he called, this happened: “Hello, how may I help you with your emergency?”
“CHICKEN NUGGETS ARE QUACK DUCK TACK!”
“What is your order sir?”
“Who am I talking to?” The boy thought.
“Yes, I would like an extra cheesy, AND I MEAN CHEESY, nuggets with a spit of ketchup, and a cat’s furball drowned with HOT CHOCOLATE!”
But if he comes up with something so weird, the person won’t believe him! Let’s have some fun.....
“Ok ma’am, that will be served to you in 2 hours. We got your address from your Caller ID, so thank you.”
“OMG! What am I going to do?” The boy thought.
“Do you want a pet today?”
“After you call back all of those people and tell them sorry for calling them for a stupid pet.”
“How did you know?”
“I know what happens with my phone.”
Then the dad hung up.
“How in the world did he...” Right then the boy noticed he had “Parent Supervision” mode on his dad’s phone. That’s why parents know what their kids do when they are gone.